It amazes me how it is possible to rip jeans the way i did. Now i understand why they don't advise to do sports when wearing jeans. Luckily I also had shorts. Oh it is also fun to wear shorts when everyone are still wearing coats and winter clothing =.=

Well that was the only funny thing that hapened. If you are a cheerful person you should not read on. If your username is BamSeGato and you happen to click on it you shouldn't read it too <_<.


I guess only people who were curious kept reading on. Well anyways, the dissapointment in people who i know has like... never been this great. My classmates who i have known for 9 years. I can't really talk about anything I like with them and the way they act is just... stupid. In a way i hate them. I hate everyone (wow i really don't like people xD). Best people in school are students below 5th grade. I like how simple is theyr thinking and lack of hatred. Guess i have no friends in real life. My best friend is someone i know only online for over a year.

And Kishu you are right. I am sad now you decided to ask me about that. Many things would be better if you had not done that. I am probably not the only one who thinks that way. I lost all my goals and changed too much after that. I decided to stop trying and it's best for me and someone else. I already wish she would just hate me.

It also bothers me that people don't know the real me. They don't know how much i like drawing and how i really think about things. They think i only do things that benefit me. Not really. I helped an older lady from our village carry some heavy bags fo rabout a mile when was coming for school. Seeing people in difficulties makes me really sad. I remember about 5 years ago i went past some market. I saw a person selling selling homegrown beans in a jar. The price was 15krons. Noone seemed to wanted to buy them and the person was somewhat sad. She might of needed those few krons for just buying something to eat. I got depressed over that for days and even cryed. Yeah really nice that i care >_>. It happened 5 years ago and haven't told it to anybody, not even to my family. Thinking about it made me almost cry again. I hate how these things bother me. Eating and drawing helped to releave the stress. That was one reason why i got fat. I was diagnosed as overweight and i was supposed to see a doctor cus of that. Also drawing... well there were people who just kept telling how much i suck. They ripped lot of pics to pieces. Well after i saw some professional pictures made me finally agree with them. Also after i agreed with them i eventually stopped to bother me less about it so i started talking about the big perspective. I kept drawing because i liked it and still i knew my pics weren't that great they were good enough for me. I think i have improved over time and i am proud of it.

Well despite all this crap I try to be cheerful most of the time. It's rare if people actually know what i am thinking about. I space out a lot and sometimes it is funny to suddenly discover that someone tried to say something to you. I remember my last indoor hockey game. I tried to shut of my brain and all it made me do was just chase the ball seeing nothing else. I ran into walls couple of times. Haha... few years ago i stood in 1 spot in a classroom and spaced out... my classmets though i was really weird, they weren't wrong.

I really have respect for people who actually read this.

Well all this stupid text jut to say i how lonely i feel. Hah, screw this... i'm gonna draw something xD